The Unspoken Rules of Pickup
Basketball, Music, Chess, etc.
Something I’ve grown to appreciate about pickup basketball is how the local rules are always slightly different, wherever you play.
Now that I live in New York City, I find myself playing with a lot of new variations.
For half-court games, you have to collectively decide if it’s One’s and Two’s or Two’s and Threes, Make-it Take-it or Loser’s Out, Free Takebacks or No Free ’backs, Pass-It-In or No-Pass-In, Take Back Everything Behind the Three Point Line (Blocks, Airballs and Steals) or Not, and Win By Two vs. Straight Up vs. the moronic “Can’t Win On A Two” movement that inexplicably swept the nation in 2013.1
I’ve played with the traditional NBA scoring of two’s and three’s to 21, 25, 50, and 100. I’ve also played by one’s and two’s to 10, 11, 15, 16, 18, 21, and 25.
While it's common courtesy to alternate possession on 50/50 out-of-bounds plays or dubious no-calls (“we get the next one”), the loudest or most intimidating looking guy tends to gets his way. However, the defense typically “shoots for ball” on any questionable call, because – perhaps the most important rule of all – Ball Don’t Lie.
Of course, there are dozens of other games you can play with a basketball and a hoop, each with their own unique set of malleable rules to modify gameplay.
For instance, you can play 1-on-1 or Kobe2 with two people, 21 if you have three (you’re a coward if you don’t play with poison numbers), 2-on-2 or 42 if you have four (shoutout to 2-Ball as an underrated four-player shooter game), 3-on-3, 4-on-4, King of the Court, Poison, Chicago, and half-court 5’s (the single worst way to play basketball).
But in a crowded city with a limited supply of free-to-play basketball courts and an overabundance of hoopers, you really only have one option: full court 5-on-5.
A local run by my apartment uses the fences that surround the court as out-of-bounds markers, rather than, you know, the out of bounds lines painted on the court.
Another run nearby plays the first game of the day by one’s and two’s to 16, but the teams switch sides once one team reaches 8 points. Every game afterwards that day is played to 12, with the side-switch occurring after one of the teams gets to 6 points.3
The gym I joined plays by two’s and three’s to 24, a score I’ve never played to before.
There’s something incredibly beautiful about building a telepathic connection with four complete strangers, learning each others’ tendencies, seeing how your skillsets complement one another, establishing a hierarchy, winning a few games in a row, shooting the shit while drinking water and waiting for your next turn on the court, winning one or two more games, dapping them up, and never seeing them again.
Most of the time, you won’t even know their names, and they won’t know yours.
At your best, you’ll be known as “Shooter”, or “White Boy”. On your worst days, you’ll be called “Glasses”, or “White Boy”, but in a more dismissive tone.
But you’ll know their spots, and that Blue Shorts has no left hand, so you make sure to screen for him on his defender’s left side, to put him in a position where he’s attacking the basket with his strong hand. Or you’ll know that Pants bites on every single pump fake, so don’t be afraid to back him down on the left block and hit him with the Sky Zook over your shoulder after faking the drop step.
You’ll gain a mature respect for the bald guy who is willing to do the thankless dirty work like sealing his man when you drive to the rim, setting good screens, and making those small, winning plays without wanting the ball in return, just to win.
And you’ll learn to loathe the selfish players who only look for their own shot, don’t hustle back on D, or were never coached on such pickup hoops basics, like:
making sure to reward your big man’s help defense on the next fast break, and give him an extra touch or two on offense so he stays motivated on D.
always fake a low-post entry pass low before you hit them high, or vice versa.
If your shot isn’t falling, get yourself going by getting to the rim.
If your shot is falling, utilize the pump fake to get to the rim, and leverage your spacing to open up driving lanes for teammates, because your man is going to be eager to swat one of your shots into the adjacent road or tennis court.
(there’s always an adjacent road or tennis court)
Don’t be that guy who is warming up on one end of the court when the game is going on at the other end of the court. You will have long rebounds, there will be a fast break that you didn’t anticipate, it literally happens every time.
Call your own fouls, but don’t suddenly call a foul when you’re down 20-19 in a game to 21 and drive hopelessly to the rim with no plan.
Don’t call a travel away from the ball unless everyone agrees on it.
You can often tell before a game starts who is going to be the best player on the court, just by observing what brand of ball they brought, and clocking what shoes/clothing they’re wearing. Anyone wearing long pants, non-basketball shoes (think Converse, Vans, etc.), or any sort of eyewear is immediately sus, and assumed to be trash.
You immediately know if someone is new to pickup by the way they react to calls and non-calls. For example, it’s practically universal that backcourt violations aren’t a thing in pickup, so if your teammate knocks it away and someone on offense nonchalantly trots to the opposite foul line to retrieve the ball, don’t freak out.
Of course, the shot diet and calculus for a heat-check, three-point specialist like yours truly changes dramatically, depending on how the game is scored.
Basic math says that if you’re playing by ones and twos, and shoot threes at a clip over 25%, you should only shoot threes, because even if you shoot 50% from two-point range, it results in the same expected points from each shot. Or, (0.25)*2 = (0.50)*1 = 0.5.
However, if you are playing by twos and threes, you need to shoot at a rate better than 33% from three to make it a better shot than a layup, because (0.33)*3 = (0.50)*2 = 1.
This is not unlike the experience of musical improvisation with 1-5 other people.
In both scenarios, there is a direct correlation between how quickly you build chemistry with total strangers and how successful you will be (i.e., winning or sounding good) . Those who are ego-driven and shot-happy on the court are the same ones who overplay their instrument. The guitarist boasting a board of 30 pedals is no different from the shooting sleeve-wearing sneakerhead who thinks he’s Kyrie.
In both settings, my position has changed over time. Growing up, I was a guitar player and pass-first point guard with a decent handle. These days, I’m more of a keyboard player, freestyle rapper, and a long-range shooter who can get hot in a hurry.
The unscripted nature of pickup basketball echoes the improvisational nature of the blues, in which the notes are often unknown in advance, but everyone is playing within a familiar structure. 12-Bar Blues is a pick-and-roll. Whether the big man rolls to the rim or pops to the three point line is a lot like whether the drummer adds a unique fill at the end of a chorus, or the guitarist busts out a killer riff to punch his solo home, right before resolving back on the 1.
Similarly, a behind-the-back assist in the fast break might seem like a lucky bit of flair, when it's actually the result of years of 3-on-2 / 2-on-1 drills, and muscle memory.
As a result, these artists are able to envision passing lanes and melodies that the audience can't even comprehend.
We take these performers for granted because they make it look so easy.
But it only looks easy because they've worked so hard.
Back when I worked at TikTok, I used to play two chess hustlers named Matt and Elevation in Bryant Park, every day after work, in $5 or $10 five-minute games.
Neither of them were very good, but it was generally implied that even if the challenger won, you should still pay the hustler for their time.
The guys in the SW corner of Union Square are significantly better. Alfred squeezes you. Bigote throws you off track with conversation. I once played Silverback to a draw.
The SW corner of Washington Square Park has the highest talent and the most famous players. Cornbread and Marty among the most notable.
Unlike basketball, there are no physical “tells” that someone is about to be a complete novice or a grandmaster. In fact, glasses are actually recommended. But the real beauty of chess is that all the moves are played out directly on the board. Anyone who has played enough chess can walk up to a game, deduce who has the material or positional advantage, and observe and analyze every move from there on out. There is deception, traps, and foresight, but there’s no bluffing. It’s all right there, on the board.
You can learn so much about a person by the way they play.
Are they aggressive? Patient? Greedy? A lefty? A showboat? A trickster? Do they, “play to the crowd”? Or are they only concerned with the greater task at hand?
There’s something sacred in these temporary connections, and it’s one of my favorite things about living in New York City.
You all show up without having planned to, speak a shared language without saying a word, create something beautiful, often with no audience, and disappear.
For the record, I am a Make-it Take-it, No Free ‘backs, take back everything behind the arc including steals and airballs, Pass-in, Win by Two, and Yes, You Can Win on a Two guy.
A 1-on-1 variant where the offensive player only gets three dribbles, and the possession ends after a miss. No offensive rebounds or transition plays, just other player’s ball up top.
Another annoying quirk of this run: if you yell out “And-one!” and make the game-winning shot while getting clobbered, the basket doesn’t count (learned this one the hard way).
Finally back to random musings!
Love this, we'd had alot of violations of people warming up on the other side.