In which I resist every impulse to refer to the final MJ doc eps as "The Last Last Dance"
[re: last week's episodes - I had a halfhearted draft done, but other than referring to Episode 8 as 'The Antepenultimate Dance', there wasn’t anything revelatory]
Happy Blursday everyone,
How incredible was it that Michael Jordan, who hasn’t the faintest idea how to play piano, had a dozen people hanging on his every plunk in his hotel room after ring #6?
Who else this good at one skill (playing basketball) could capture an entire room’s attention so magnetically while being that unremarkable at something else (piano)?
Admit it: You’d rather watch Michael Jordan play piano than Magnus Carlsen, the man widely regarded as the best living concert pianist, even though Jordan can’t even play Hot Cross Buns (and yes, I have lived my whole life until today - upon searching for that hyperlink - under the impression that that song was titled, “Hot Crust Buns”)
Also - Carlsen is the best living chess player, not piano. And not only did you not know that (although who can blame you, to be fair), but you’d likely still tune into Michael Jordan playing piano over Magnus Carlsen playing a game of chess.
In fact, I’m willing to wager you’d watch Michael Jordan play chess over Magnus Carlsen playing chess, just to see if he exclusively targets the two rook pieces as a way of “welcoming them to the league”…
But I digress.
Remember the early days of lockdown? Back when you still knew what day it was, and the public peer pressured ESPN into releasing The Last Dance two months earlier than planned- even though it wasn’t yet finished - just so we’d all have something to do?
Months later, it’s commendable to think this weekly, two-hour content fix actually lived up to the hype in spite of a premature release, and carried Chicagoland conversation on its back for five straight weeks. A true Jordan-esque accomplishment.
Now that it’s over, who knows what people will resort to talking about? We literally got five days of mileage out of there being some rain last weekend, so all bets are off.
Of course, the two things that made me most excited about The Last Dance were a bit clickbait-y in retrospect. The first was a report in advance where MJ remarked how, “some people are going to come out of this thinking I’m a terrible guy”, and the second was the massive fuss made about the mythical, crystal-clear footage from 1998.
These weren’t quite at the ‘Jordan in the low post’ level of dupery:
But the first quote, though generally inaccurate considering the overwhelming popularity of The Last Dance, can only really be chalked up as another W in the Jordan Brand marketing column. Still, I do think the HD footage was slightly underutilized, especially when the majority of the stand-out moments from the series came from the ‘98 season (e.g., Michael playing that coin toss game with his security guard; Michael, Larry and Magic talking about “the Laker boy” at the All Star Game; Bird and Jordan addressing each other without mincing words after the Bulls-Pacers series, etc.).
The capitalist in me wonders: why not edit the last two months of footage a bit and offer the remastered HD versions of every Bulls 1998 Playoff game as a bundle available for something like $75-$100? (or $98, if you want to get cute). Would anyone who watched this entire series for free not buy the Jazz or Pacers series? This is something I’ve been banging the drum on in group texts for several weeks now.
Of course, someone in ESPN’s brass must have had a similar idea, because they’re airing Game 6: The Movie, in Full HD tonight at 9:00 PM EST, featuring exclusive, never-before-seen footage of Michael’s last game as a Bull, and a “presentation of the historic game in new, innovative ways”.
Considering I’d probably pay $20 just to watch the rest of those scrimmages on the makeshift court from the set of Space Jam, ESPN releasing this entire game for free is a boon. Additionally, the game will use the original broadcast commentary from 1998, and who isn’t a sucker for an OBC recording?
A common talking point that’s emerged is the great interpersonal sacrifices Jordan made to achieve what he did. But many of the people who come out of the series (and especially the defiant ending of Episode 7) wondering how someone could possibly reach such an incomprehensible level of excellence, rigor, and discipline are also the people who tuned in with their families, loved ones, and/or roommates. Far fewer watched this series with five security guards as their primary source of company.
His wife at the time was never explicitly mentioned, and his kids only appeared in the final episode for one comment each. If Bob Costas appears in the documentary series about my life 10 times more than my immediate family, I’ve either failed as a parent, or married Bob Costas.
Point being, everything Jordan accomplished took ruthless prioritization and time. The nonrefundable currency that Jordan was determined not to waste in pursuit of excellence. The thing many of us spend on stuff like lounging around the house and watching a ten hour documentary with your family. Things Michael likely never did.
He didn’t just magically enter the NBA as a walking triple-double, and he definitely didn’t enter the Minor Leagues as a Silver Slugger. He worked. And worked. And while Karl Malone and Gary Payton and LaBradford Smith were sleeping, he snuck back into the gym and put up an extra hundred shots, or got in an extra hundred at-bats.
Much ado has been made about Jordan retiring three times. But this is also the guy who un-retired twice. He wasn’t dreading going back to work on Sunday nights like his fans, he never left the office! He advised us all in his Hall of Fame speech not to be surprised if he attempted a comeback at 50, and I bet he genuinely wanted to try.
One moment that stood out to me was Michael explaining his desire to perform at his absolute best each time he stepped onto the court in exchange for the two and a half hours that people spent with him each time they watched a Bulls game. As if he were doing a service to the public (@Lakers and @Clippers, hopefully you’re taking notes).
The closest thing I’ve experienced to that type of phenomenon as a sports fan was 2015-16 Steph Curry. Pre-injury D-Rose was on his way, but didn’t quite get there.
But Curry did. And he knew it.
He welcomed one and all to his pregame shows, and appeared in 79/82 games. Because he understood millions of kids were scheduling their homework time around his games, and staying up past their East Coast bedtimes just to see him play.
And he delivered as best he could… for about 2-4 years.
Jordan did that every single day for 20 years. On and off the court.
That’s an intangible LeBron will never come close to approaching Jordan in.
The fact that LeBron routinely social loafs on defense for entire regular seasons might be better for his longevity, but that’s not the spirit of why one becomes a basketball player in the first place. It’s not fair to the little kid and his father who drove all the way from upstate New York to see him play against the Knicks, only to be subjected to forty minutes of Cedi Osman step-backs because the Cavs play Boston the next day.
Michael would have never done something like that. More than anybody, he understands the value of spending your time carefully.
So if you were going to spend some of yours with him, he was determined to make that decision worth your while.
The Last Dance was no exception.
This week in consumption:
The aforementioned Game 6: The Movie, tonight at 9:00 PM EST
The cast of Community reunited for a S5Ep3 table-read over Zoom:
The Parks and Rec thing from a few weeks ago fell a bit flat for me, so I was slightly skeptical coming into this - especially when I found out the selected episode would be from Season 5, rather than the more commonly acclaimed Seasons 1-3. However, by minute two I was completely in. Highlights included Troy and Abed somehow pulling off their signature handshake over Zoom, and Pedro Pascal constantly breaking character while pinch-hitting for Walton Goggins as the episode’s guest star.
Jeff Rosenstock surprise-dropped a new album today (more on this another time)
Class of 2020 Commencement Graduation:
Is it weird that Nick Jonas got more emotion out me here in their performance of X than he did as Marius in the Les Mis 25th Anniversary?
There are still some tickets available to tune into the US and Australia viewing sessions for Daniel Kitson’s limited screenings of his 2009 Edinburgh show, The Interminable Suicide of Gregory Church. They’re all at 9:00 PM local time (EST for Americans). I watched it Monday night and was thoroughly moved.
I agree with Kitson’s description wholeheartedly:
It was a storytelling show and comfortably my best up until that point. It was deceptively simple but satisfyingly complicated, it was funny and sad, there was a bit of mystery in it and, I thought, when I did it right, it was quite exhilarating.
He’s also my favorite storyteller / comedian, so your results may vary.
Also highly recommend you listen to any of his “pay-what-you-want” specials on Bandcamp. If you’re keen but money is a problem, I’m happy to help out - shoot me an email. All in the name of spreadin’ the good word.
Honestly, this has been one of those weeks where it’s hard not to wonder whether or not the world really just might revolve around you (me).
Not only is ESPN streaming Game 6 tonight, but my favorite comedian (Daniel Kitson), one of my favorite TV shows (Community), and my favorite artist at the moment (Jeff Rosenstock) all released new stuff in the last 48 hours.
This timing all feels very simulation theory-y, as The Last Dance, Kitson’s other comedy specials, Community, and Rosenstock’s discography have been by far the four things I have spent the most time with during lockdown other than the microwave.
So to have all four things add more to their respective canons is real sweet.
Lastly, not only does Lonzo Ball have terrible weight lifting form, but his Cards Against Humanity chops could use some work, too:
@Zo: I know you’re coachable, the new jump shot form is much improved. So as a 2-time rejected applicant for Cards Against Humanity’s annual writer’s retreat, I’m happy to offer my services as a coach.
Until next time,